- Revise your stories, based on all peer feedback. Finals due in class next time.
- Blog #3: like before, post a piece of feedback that your partner gave you, either praise or criticism about the setting, and explain how it helped you to revise your piece.
Thursday, March 24, 2016
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Criticism: Show whose house it belongs to, and it will make it more clear what the inner problems are with the characters. Also identify what the relationship is between the boy and girl.
ReplyDeleteThis criticism helped me bring my piece together more, I gave the relationship between the boy and the girl a more brother and sister vibe. I also told more about the mom and girls relationship and why it is so tense through the house.
"I could use some clarity on what the character was looking for"
ReplyDeleteI am going to use this feedback to make my story stronger. My character is meant to be confused, but I don't want to confuse the reader as well, so this tells me that I need to clarify the situation with my protagonist.
"The cliffhanger that your story ends makes me really want to find out what happens to Denise. Maybe you could add a little more about what kind of a person Edward is to illuminate the plot."
ReplyDeleteI agree with this criticism, and think that it could really elevate the quality of my writing if I were to introduce the main character's wants. I have focused mainly on the how other people are affected by the main character, but if I include what the character wants, then I believe that'll really reveal a lot about the plot.
"Your writing here is great. I'd love to know, though: What's going to make your protagonist go off course? I can't see that in here."
ReplyDeleteThis question is very telling of where I am in the writing process. While I have the story in my head, transferring the plot onto the page is difficult, and I'm still working out what it is I'd like for both the character and the reader to learn. With comments like this, I can get at what it is I'm doing correctly, but also what it is I struggle to tackle.
"I think you should make it more clear how he dies because I didn't know that it was suicide until you explained it."
ReplyDeleteI am going to use this comment to help me explain the symbolism of the objects more clearly and include more hints so the reader can understand that.
The comments I received back on my short story was very helpful and critical. The comments stated that my use of language and imagery was very key for the plot of the story. Also , it was in clear second person which is hard to not make sound like a guide or how to but that is what my partners said made the story good. However , they told me I should make it longer because I had really great but discontinued ideas. Some areas of my writing might have been to wordy or full so I should be concise with descriptions and make my sentences filled with quality instead of quantity.
ReplyDeleteThe comment I got on my story that really helped me revise it was that my reader did was not extremely clear on how to imagine the setting because I didn't really provide her with one. Therefore when I revised my story, rather than outright telling my reader where my character is, I made connections to what we do on a daily basis like, looking at someone through a mirror which immediately gives away that the placement of the person is behind you. Thanks for the comment reader! :)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe comment I received was that my setting description was good but I need to include more plot to make the story more comprhensive. This made me realize that I was focusing too much on the setting and symbols within the setting and making false assumptions about what the reader would take away from the symbols I placed in the setting. I edited my piece to include a little bit more background so that the actual plot of the story makes more sense, while keeping the base of setting to tell the story constant.
ReplyDelete"The plot is really long and some of the characters' motives are sort of hard to follow"
ReplyDeleteI used this bit of criticism in conjunction with some other advise to tighten up my plot development and use my extended scenery metaphor to clarify some key character traits relevant to the narrative. I shortened some of the more rambly bits of my piece in hopes that making my writing more concise would make my character descriptions more pointed in terms of their roles in my plot.
"I love your use of descriptive language; you paint the costal shores with incredible detail and care."
ReplyDeleteI think that this praise helped me to see that I was on track in regards to the descriptions and detail in my story. Initially, I had thought that the amount of descriptions/details were excessive and that I needed to cut back a little bit, but it was ultimately fine.
Constructive Criticism: "Try to emphasize the symbolism of the baseball in your plot a little more."
ReplyDeleteThis criticism helped me because it helped so I can make the plot more of a short story plot and not a plot that would be in a novel.
"I like the setting, and imagined that it was very Wall Street style. The kind of atmosphere that confines people in pressure, which eventually leads to insanity."
ReplyDeleteThe praise really helped me see that I was getting my point across to the reader. I was glad to see that I was able to put the reader in my characters' shoes which made the story more relatable.
"You should emphasize the narrator's drink more, because that's what sets up the rest of the story"
ReplyDeleteThis criticism helped me see that I wasn't making it obvious enough that the narrator's drink was drugged and I changed it to make it more clear.
"I understand more about your characters than I do your setting."
ReplyDeleteThis critisim helped me see that I had focused so much on developing my characters that I hadn't focused as much on what the scene looked like, and what objects were inside of it. This really allowed me to develop my setting more, and the symbols within it.
My partner helped me further analyze the symbols in my setting. She gave me advice that helped me take a small idea and make it more complex. For example, an important moment in my scene happens with my charcter on top of a hill, but I made the hill was a basic metaphor. After reading my story, my partner mentioned that I should apply the metaphor to my character's own life, so that I could be able to develop it further and even maybe turn it into a motif.
ReplyDelete"I wasn't sure on where this was taking place, the rooms sort of confused me, you should make it more clear. You don't have to do this too much, but just enough so there's a distinction between the two places." With this, I was able to I guess make my story creepier, as it showed that my character was taken out of her home and added another layer to the mystery of how and why she's there. Also: "How did she get there?" was great advice because then I had to really think about the structure of the story and creepily add in hints. I hope it worked.
ReplyDeleteIn peer reading, my partner understood the importance of my symbols but did not get the correct bigger meaning. This let me know in my editing that my symbols were working but I still needed more in order to make the scene understandable.
ReplyDelete"Making the story longer and including on how the details of the camera and photographs pertain to the inner psychological issues of your characters"
ReplyDeleteThis helped me continue my story in a different way, focusing more on how the symbols are similar to the character and the way that she thinks when dealing with finding the camera/photographs.
Comment: "the ending is kind of like a cliff hanger in a good way, but it kind of shows a little uncertainty. Maybe clarify the message you're trying to leave at the end"
ReplyDeleteThis helped me show how the character reacted to the setting, demonstrating that setting can also contribute to character development (!!!!)
"Adding a follow up piece would complement this one because it would be nice to see the second point of view."
ReplyDeleteThis comment helped me with character development because it made me think about what had happened to my character prior to the story I wrote.
I wan't in class on Thursday, so I wasn't able to get any feedback. But rereading my own work allowed me to see that I was focusing too much on conventional methods to develop my character. I needed to bring more descriptive language and communicate more feeling through the setting. I decided to eliminate my specific character from the scene and make it more general, which I think helped me focus on developing the mood through the setting.
ReplyDelete"Evolve the relationship between both the protaginist and the significant other"
ReplyDeleteThe relationship between the two is rocky so in order to develop their relationship, I distance their physical standing to make the, show the rockiness.