Revise your pantoums or villanelles, using your peers’ feedback; they do not need to remain in those forms, if you want to expand or change them entirely
Blog #4: like before, post a piece of feedback that your partner gave you, either praise or criticism about the poem, and explain how it helped you to revise your piece.
"I really like the adjectives that you have used, it paints a picture in my head... I don’t quite understand it but it flows very nicely."
ReplyDeleteThis criticism helped me understand how the reader comprehends my piece. Although, I understand my piece, it also matters how the reader interprets it as well, so I think I'll have to use adjectives that not only paint a picture but make more sense so not only can the reader understand the piece, but my message as well.
"You can expand on the idea of why you are feeling lost and show how others respond to this."
ReplyDeleteThis comment really made me think about how to express a small part of the root of my pain, and I did it by showing the readers that prior open wounds still fester from time to time, and though others see this and it's unstoppable for them to hurt me from time to time, it is inevitable for me to hurt and restrict myself the most.
Some praise I received was " I like the use of imagery in the stanzas because it makes me visualize it. It is also totally relatable because I can be lazy and i want to be a kid again all the time and I think everyone agrees that Sundays are chill days :) You can expand on this and show other aspects of the characters personality and contrast his responsibilities and how he wants to be a kid." which shows how the reader understood the message of the pantoum in the eyes of a young child.
ReplyDeleteSome slight criticism was " There could be additional imagery that would really add to his surroundings and add to why he liked Sundays, but I really like it" which still compliments the pantoum but embellishing the smell or surroundings could have enhanced it.
"I really like the comparison of the perseverance of a flower to human emotion, as if this small plants can survive so can you --really build on this."
ReplyDeleteThis comment, which was sort of both praise and criticism, forced me to really think deeply about the metaphors that I made in my poem and different ways to make them more complex in a way that would evoke a larger or stronger reaction from my reader.
"I really liked the use of imagery in your piece, it was really effective"
ReplyDeleteI think that this praise helped me to see what worked in my piece and ultimately, it helped me to add a few more descriptions and other enhancements to further convey the message of my poem
"Maybe you can try to add new Vocab of the main words to show the change in your ideas, like inference"
ReplyDeleteI got positive criticism that said that I had a good use of repetition. But this criticism helped me see that a change of vocabulary could help the repetition by keeping the same flow of ideas. This improved my piece by maintaining the the Pantoum itself and its ideas/story.
"I really like the fact that your story doesn’t end like a fairytale but it actually ends realistically and explaining how not everyone copes the same.. maybe try to involve the other character a bit more."
ReplyDeleteThis comment helped me because it showed that the relationship of the two characters was a bit unclear to the reader/listener. This will help me clarify why the main character wants to help the other so bad.
" I really liked the rhyming scheme of this poem, you should definitely try to add another rhyme scheme somewhere so it doesn't end up repetitive"
ReplyDeleteThis comment helped me because it was able to give me an idea on what I could do to improve my poem while also keep it close to the original
"You manage to give this line a completely different feeling here. You make it seem like the final kiss at the end of a relationship."
ReplyDeleteI used this comment, along with the other feedback I received from my peers, to further my shift in tone in my final stanza. In changing one of my villanelle lines, I had to change multiple stanzas of my poem, which allowed me greater control over the emotional transition of my piece.
"great word choice"
ReplyDeleteI took this praise feedback and expanded. I manipulated even more words. I love word play and so knowing that readers value word choice as much as I do, I continued to challenge myself with word choice.
"Funny choice for a pantoum. Expand on it. Where do the books take you?"
ReplyDeleteMy pantoum was small and could've had specific images other than books, so I take this piece of information as an opportunity to utilize different writing techniques other than repetition.
"I really like the imagery created in this poem, and this point is another good moment to potentially expand and create a powerful image"
ReplyDeleteWith this feedback I made my images more specific, and it was then easier to expand. Some of my images were vague, so with this comment and others I knew I needed to make the imagery stronger so the idea could get across better.
"the occasional rhyming added depth to the poem and the imagery helped me imagine the entire poem play out"
ReplyDelete-This feedback helped me because the imagery (or lack there of substantial imagery) was the missing key to a more expansive poem and more expansive look of the character.
"I really love what you're trying to potray using superhero and their powers. This specific line clouds your idea. The wording should be changed"
ReplyDeleteThe line my critic was talking about was in the passive voice and didn't let my pantoum flow by changing it to a more active voice - it really strengthen my message.
"I love this idea of existentialism, very interesting. I would try to focus a little bit more on the word choice, because I think that at points your poem stops flowing."
ReplyDeleteThis was very helpful feedback because I was able to focus on the wording of the pantoum, and make sure the word choice allowed the poem to flow.
"The imagery in this poem is amazing. You did a very good job of not only giving this imaginary character a personality, but also created this dynamic relationship between two people that the reader doesn't really know.
ReplyDeleteThis is already amazing but you can strengthen it by using less filler verbs"
This helped me improve my poem and make it more meaningful by changing the word choice. After changing it around my poem was much better and it flowed easier.
I received a comment that I should make my poem more specific, because the meaning was not very clear. This let me know that I should focus in my revision on making sure people that aren't me understand my words, too.
ReplyDelete"I like the continued theme of blue, as it adds to the sadness of the overall piece"
ReplyDeleteThis helped me by allowing to see where I was successful with portraying my theme and how to adjust the rest of my piece around this theme of sadness
I got a comment that said I should try to be more descriptive with my imagery. I used this to work on showing not telling and I think it overall enhanced the feeling of the poem and allowed me to create a much better image of the sunset in my villanelle.
ReplyDelete"Very beautiful imagery, reading this made me feel very warm"
ReplyDeletethis praise made me feel really good about my writing because it was supposed to evoke a warm, coddled feeling in the reader because the narrator of the poem is very motherly
I got a comment that I should focus on blending more specific imagery and broader imagery. I have a lot of metaphoric imagery but not much that is just descriptive, and somebody commented that it would strengthen my poem if I gave some shorter, more precise imagery.
ReplyDeleteOverall the majority of the comments discussed how greatly I took a broad idea and expanded the idea that we must all forge our own paths. In addition, I also got some feedback that they would've liked to see how it relates to nature. I could've taken something broad and narrow it down to something small at the end.
ReplyDeleteOverall the majority of the comments discussed how greatly I took a broad idea and expanded the idea that we must all forge our own paths. In addition, I also got some feedback that they would've liked to see how it relates to nature. I could've taken something broad and narrow it down to something small at the end.
ReplyDelete