- Revise your work, based on peer comments, and bring in final for story-time! We’ll be reading them aloud in groups and, hopefully, for the full class, so practice that narrative voice out loud (if yours ended up being especially long, excerpt one page to share). If you would like my feedback on your story, print it out for me (totally optional).
- Blog #2: post one or more comments, that you received from your peers during conferencing, that you thought were especially helpful (praise or criticism), and what you changed about your story, based on those comments.
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
#2 (due Thurs, March 18th): revision comments
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"I liked the way in which you used characterization throughout your piece. Also, it was quite effective how you used questioning in the beginning of your piece; it really adds a sense of depth to the story." This praise helped me develop more of my story because I added in more characterization to let the reader know more about my narrator.
ReplyDelete"I really enjoyed reading your piece. I thought it was constantly entertaining, and led me to read it even faster, so I could see what happens next. I liked the fact that you included dialogues in you piece to truly reveal what kind of a man you were dealing with. I will be sure to incorporate the same kind of strategy in my story as well". This praise helped me to see how effective my use of dialogue is in my story. I ultimately developed the dialogue to a greater extent in order to create a more cohesive story as a whole.
ReplyDelete"This section reads a bit like a list. For the sake of fluidity, maybe describe some of the activities and her feelings towards them, and feed the reader details throughout the story as opposed to placing them all in one paragraph"
ReplyDeleteMy story doesn't have any dialogue, so this helps me create different forms of speech and tone to keep my reader interested.I can change up my story a but and the way I tell it.
“A nice way of incorporating personal information about the narrator while also using it to advance the piece”
ReplyDeleteThis comment helped me to further follow a pattern of build up throughout my piece, and to insure I had a developed plot to follow my introduction. My ending in some ways began to trail off in my elaboration of plot, and this comment reminded me to stay focused on my story as well as my narrative techniques.
"I think you should work on the ending more"
ReplyDeleteThis comment helped my piece, by forcing me to really think of a way to end my story without leaving anything out or having a cliffhanger. I really tried to work towards having an ending that seemed like the ending of a story and not a chapter of a novel.
“is she a protagonist? even for a main character, she seems pretty grotesque; are we meant to empathize with her in any way, or is it safe to call her an antagonist? or have i just not gotten to a perhaps ennobling action of hers during the impending plane crash?”
ReplyDelete-Ah, the character being referred to is the antagonist, who is a direct foil to the voice of the main character. This comment enabled me to continue to advance the development of the narrator (who is the protagonist) by having him contrast to the zany antagonist even more
I received a comment to further clarify the plot of my story, but that the characters were well developed and helped the flow of the plot. Now I know to keep my characters' involvement the same, but that a little background information is needed to make the plot easier for a reader to follow/understand.
ReplyDelete"The narration makes the character’s feelings towards America and expectations really clear. Try to add more inner thought to make it more personal."
ReplyDeleteWith this input, the main problem with my work was identified. I am able to provide a clear introduction to the story, but I need to take it to the next level, which would include sharing the thoughts of the character and a bit of dialogue, so a clear understanding of the entire story can be accessible to the reader.
"I really liked the fact that you listed items that could be found in an office, making the situation that your character was in even more real. I do think though, that you should try to have more expressive language with his interaction with his boss."
ReplyDeleteWith this comment, I was able to really focus on my characters feelings. By doing so, I was able to help the reader put him/herself in my characters shoes, making the story more relatable.
"I feel as though starting off concise is a great way to begin a story. I also like the way you structured the story as a whole."
ReplyDelete"I like this but if you wanted to make the how to longer you could add more into the middle or the beginning."
These two comments really helped me structure my story and continue it in a way that would improve the entire idea.
ReplyDeleteComment: "I think through dialogue you can also expand on the use of second person and make it seem more like the character is talking in a form of inverted second person, which I assume is kind of what you’re up to."
Based on this comment, I will work on the message of the story by better cultivating on what perspective I'm writing about this issue from.
"Your detal usage was great, but I feel like you could almost use a little bit less because at times it confuses the story."
ReplyDeleteThis comment helped me to clarify my narrative, and allow for more of my character to shine through, rather than descriptions.
"In general I really really love your piece, and I realized in this short amount of time that I am, in reality, a book. I’m a book, and I accept my fate. I think you should wrap up your story with reitering that it's a book."
ReplyDeleteThis specific comment helped me bring closure to my piece. My piece was empty without allowing my reader to connect to the piece.
I got the feedback that I can more effectively use the second person by describing actions that my character takes. At present, my story includes a lot of descriptions so the second person doesn't seem to have a clear purpose. Adding some movement and action for my characters can change that.
ReplyDelete"Make his planning make me understand who he is" This feedback helped me fill out the narrator's thought process and add details and hints about who he is into the story.
ReplyDelete"Make his planning make me understand who he is" This feedback helped me fill out the narrator's thought process and add details and hints about who he is into the story.
ReplyDelete"I think you could develop the plot a little more but I love the details." This feedback really helped me to develop the character more and as a result also expand my plot.
ReplyDelete